He uses pillows to masturbate.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
