K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
