At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
