Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
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