Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
