I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
