my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Blood and glitter go together right?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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