I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
