we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
