Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
