So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
