i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
