He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
