I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
