i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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