Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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