my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
