He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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