Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
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