Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
