i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
