You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
