Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
