The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
