Do you still have your period?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
