I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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