i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
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i came on her dog
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
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Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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