They should really pass out barf bags in church
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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