I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
