My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
