I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
