..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm just crazy horny about you
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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