the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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