White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
