omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
