Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize