Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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