I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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