the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
