i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
