I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
