The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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