Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
