the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
