I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
