Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
