I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
God, I missed his penis.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize