When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
