i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
