yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
