i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
