WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
