so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
