I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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