Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
