and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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