I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
