jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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