no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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