I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
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It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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