bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
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We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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