just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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