mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
