Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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