I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
They are going to name an STD after you.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
