i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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