You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
