Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
