my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
