Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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