My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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